Is Suffering Occasionally Better than No Feelings by Rabbi Allen S. Maller
One day a young man
stood in the middle of a town proclaiming that he had the most
beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and all
admired his heart, for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw
in it. Yes, they agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they
had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted about his
beautiful heart, which was the result of his following a path of
calmness and detachment.
Then an old Rabbi
named Akiba appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why
your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and
the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly,
but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and
other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were
several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges
where whole pieces were missing. The people stared. How can he say
his heart is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked
at the old man's heart and laughed. "You must be joking,"
he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and
yours is a mess of scars and tears."
said Rabbi Akiba, "yours is perfect looking but I would never
trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I
have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to
them, and often they give me a piece of their heart, which fits into
an empty place in my heart. But because the pieces aren't exactly
equal I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind
me of the love we shared. Sometimes I give pieces of my heart away,
and the other person doesn’t return a piece of his or her heart to
me. These are the empty gouges...giving love is taking a chance. And
then there are places where my heart is broken, reminding me of the
love I have had, and lost. I say Kaddish then, for it is better to
love and lose than never to love at all.”
The young man stood
silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old
man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart and ripped a
piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. Rabbi
Akiba took the young man's offering, placed it in his heart and then
took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in
the young man's heart.
It fit, but not
perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at
his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since
love from Rabbi Akiba’s heart flowed into his.They embraced and
walked away side by side.
How sad it must be
to go through life, calmly and dispassionately, without suffering and
with a perfect heart. There really are sufferings that come with
love. There really are people who accept suffering with love. Perhaps
there is no gain without pain. After all, it is a Mitsvah to love
“with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might”.
Written on the shirt of a marathon runner “Pain is the feeling of weakness being sucked out of the body.” Is life a marathon? Is running a choice? Do you have to run in every race? See Rabbi Maller’s comments on the Talmud’s view of an overly sensitive person.
Accepting suffering with love by Rabbi Allen S. Maller
The following discussion comes from the Talmud. It is deeply concerned with making suffering more bearable by making suffering more meaningful. But also teaches us not to be too pious when encountering other people's suffering.
What is the lesson from (the life of) Rabbi Nahum the optimist? This is his story:
Rabbi Nahum the optimist had bad vision, and arthritis in both his hands and his feet. Once his disciples asked “Rabbi, how can it be that someone as kind hearted and good as you should suffer such misfortunes?”
He replied, “I brought it on myself. Once I was traveling to my father-in-law’s house with 3 donkeys loaded with food and drink. A poor scabby looking man came to me and said, “Rabbi, help me stay alive.” I replied, ”Wait until I unload the donkeys.” While I was unloading the donkeys he died. I felt terrible. In remorse I said, “May my eyes that didn’t see his needs grow dim. May my hands and feet that cared for my wealth before his health, bring me pain.” His disciples said, “It is awful to see you suffer so.” He said, “For me it would be awful if you didn’t see me suffer so.”
(Is Rabbi Nahum overly strict on himself? Do people with very high standards for themselves suffer more? Do you admire someone who is overly sensitive more than someone who is insensitive? Why? Which way would you want to lean? )
Some time later Rabbi Akiba visited Rabbi Nahum the optimist. Akiba said, “It is awful for me to see you suffer.” Rabbi Nahum the optimist replied, “It is awful for me to see you reject my example.”
(“I can bear my fate why can’t you? I am positive about my circumstances, why can’t you see the virtue of my accepting suffering as part of life and love. If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. Admire how I bear my burdens, do not pity me.” Does no pain, no gain apply only to exercise? to cancer? to sudden crib death?
In the end, Rabbi Akiba came to agree with his teacher and accepted from him his way of accepting suffering with love. (Talmud Ta’anit 21a)
Rabbi Maller adds; the Talmud also says, “The life of an overly sensitive person is no life.”(Talmud Pesach 113b). Perhaps that applies to those who are overly sensitive about themselves and not about others. Perhaps Rabbi Nahum is a saint who goes far beyond the normal requirements of our duties, and is not to be copied. Perhaps Rabbi Nahum is an extremist on one side just as Gautama Buddha is an extremist on the other side. Would you choose to suffer from too much conscience or choose others to suffer because you have too little conscience? How do you find the correct balance between “If I am not for myself, who will be for me, but if I am only for myself what am I?” (Talmud Avot 1:14). This is why we need community ethical and ritual rules to set the norm.
Not every Rabbi welcomed suffering as the following story shows:
Rabbi Heeya was very ill. Rabbi Yohanan visited him and asked. “Is your suffering of any gain for you?” Heeya replied “Neither it nor its reward.” Yohanan said, “Give me your hand.” Heeya gave him his hand and felt much better. (Talmud Berachot 5b)
Those who visited Rabbi Nahum expressed pity first. Rabbi Yohanan asked first. People handle pain, their own or others, in different ways. How do you respond when in pain, or seeing others in pain?
How can one know when Rabbi Akiba is correct or when Rabbi Heeya is?
Is there a great difference between physical and emotional pain?
Judaism teaches by questioning. What other questions do these stories stimulate?